what
If someday you find yourself in a situation where, 1) you can’t speak French, 2) you’ve seen Pulp Fiction one too many times, 3) you’re somewhere in France, and 4) you need to buy a train ticket from a French person, chances are good the following might happen…
A tourist walks up to the ticket counter at a train station in central Paris to buy a train ticket to Charles de Gaulle airport.
Tourist: “Could I have one train ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport please.”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “One ticket to Charles de Gaulle please.”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “Wan… Teekit… Charles de Gaulle…”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “What country you from?”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “What? That ain’t no country I ever heard of! Do you speak English in What?”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “English mother7uck3r, do you speak it?”
Ticket man: “Ci.”
Tourist: “Then you understand what I’m sayin’?”
Ticket man: “Ci.”
Tourist: “Then give me one train ticket to Charles de Gaulle Airport please!”
Ticket man: “What?”
Tourist: “Say ‘What’ again! C’mon, say =’What’ again! I dare you, I double dare you, mother7uck3r. Say ‘What’ one more goddamn time!”
Ticket man: “What?”
It is usually round about now that most people realise that they are not going anywhere sometime soon, especially not to the airport on a train.
To avoid this kind of situation, I recommend that you rather learn to speak fluent French before you travel to France, because in France they speak French and not English!
David de Wet wrote on August 1st, 2005 at 6:13 pm
Que ?
Frenchi wrote on August 1st, 2005 at 6:15 pm
Le fromage est vieil et moisi, ou la salle de bains est ?
nat nat* wrote on August 3rd, 2005 at 12:41 pm
man, i laughed so much, i fell of my chair at work. Then tried to read it to the people at my work, and took me 15 minutes as i was laughing too much. I could just picture Herman trying to get a ticket from that man……
brilliant man!
but the french don’t speak english. They respond better when you speak in any other language, so next time try afrikaans, xhosa, zulu, or any other….
dan pan wrote on August 3rd, 2005 at 12:48 pm
L’histoire drôle m’est arrivée quand je suis allé là-bas – si j’ai appris français !
Pieter wrote on August 4th, 2005 at 11:05 am
Hahaha interresting point!
If a ticket man did that to me…he’d better paralyze my ass, cause i’d kill the mother7uck3r! I mean the ticket man knew it, the tourist knew it…7uck’n Herman should have 7uck’n know 7uck’n better!!
Chris Kuun wrote on August 4th, 2005 at 4:35 pm
Que? What?
The son of a biatch. I think the next time Hermie will put a fist through the safety glass (what?) and bring that ticket salesman out to dance! Since (what?) he’s been gymming and all. I now undrstand the new dedication to becoming a (what?) mean-ass.
What?
Cheers
What?
What?
larey wrote on August 10th, 2005 at 3:30 pm
I’m sorry to disagree, but no matter what language you speak, the French don’t give a S#$IT!!! If you don’t speak French then too bad for you. There are some lost French souls that are fairly nice and attempt to speak English to you, but from my recent experience in France, no matter what language you speak you will be lost!!! Take my word for it, we tried Afrikaans, Zulu and even Sepedi.
crr wrote on August 12th, 2005 at 11:39 pm
Je nais parlez pas Francais…
herman pretorius wrote on August 15th, 2005 at 8:19 am
I’ll have to get somebody to translate all the french on this page! Here’s what I understand so far… I think?
Que? = what?
Le fromage est vieil et moisi, où la salle de bains est ?
= The cheese is foul and mouldy, …blah blah…?
L’histoire drôle m’est arrivée quand je suis allé là-bas – si j’ai appris français !
= history arrived on a boat … blah …, …blah… FRENCH!
Je nais parlez pas Francais…
= blah blah FRENCH…
Rian V wrote on August 25th, 2005 at 2:36 pm
i speak ’strayan, mate